Sunday, May 15
migraine attacks again - what's new? always comes with nausea now though. and i never feel like moving at all. being a blob is less tiring. you just sit there. no need to move, except to breathe now and then. so much more comfortable. no blood rushing about or anything.
it's not like last year was pain-free. but i kinda liked going to school. seeing all of you, everything. talking and laughing and sharing things. i don't see the point in going to school now. it's meaningless. i lose nothing by staying home. it's not like i listen in lectures or even tutorials. half the time i'm popping pain killers and praying to go home. i just want to stay home. i don't want to show my face outside the house. i just want to sit down. not move. just. breathe. let my fingers do the work. the rest of me doesn't have to move.
if i'm like this now i wonder how things will be a few months from now. i'm not sure i can last the entire day. just feel so drained and my whole head is throbbing and pulsing. kinda used to the migraine being near the ear area but just now it went to my
eye for heaven's sake. and then there's the perpetual nausea. i've tried to make myself puke but i just can't. what if i throw up in school? i'd just die.
there's no reason to live anymore. no reason to go to school. there's nothing to keep me here. there's no comfort in life. death's the easy way out and i can't wait to go, leave this pain-wrecked body behind, with all its scars. let the grim reaper come.
it must've been love.
10:34 pm
xoxo
